Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
