my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
