If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
