i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
