The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
