Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
