it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
