so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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