there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
