My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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