Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
