Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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