mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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