i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
