Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i now understand why vodka
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
