I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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