We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
