Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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