put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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