My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's like heaven, but drunker
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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