Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
