Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
