OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Couch. On fire.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize