Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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