May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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