My friends, they love my intelligence
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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