i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
