apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sex in a hospital.. check
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
