did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
