Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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