Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
