I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
