I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
