I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
