im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
