you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
