I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
