Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
