I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
