this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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