you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She even gives head with a lisp.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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