Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
