I puked a lego.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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