started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
