It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
