the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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