I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
