just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
