we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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