You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
