I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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