when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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