A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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