White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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