did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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