we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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