never play flip cup with pint glasses
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
