I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
