Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
