Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
