If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
