Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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