If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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