You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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