tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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