Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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