Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
