uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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