I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
