The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
