My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
