I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
